Father’s Day has always been a time when I feel especially connected to my dad.

He died when I was 11 years old, yet I still carry a deep belief that he continues to “parent” me. His death has shaped the way I move through the world, and I often find myself reflecting on the intersections of grief, love and the everyday moments that make up a life.

Although I have known grief intimately for many years, it continues to reveal new layers and new lessons. When something moves me deeply or a new insight emerges, I often recognize how my dad’s death has opened me to experiences and perspectives that only grief could have taught me.

Recently, I got engaged.

As I prepare to step into this next chapter of my life, I have found myself holding enormous joy alongside a new level of grief. Tears of happiness have blended with tears of fear. Feelings of gratitude and excitement have been accompanied by a heaviness I didn’t expect.

The more I opened my heart to love, the more aware I became that I could one day lose it.

My excitement about marriage felt complicated because it reminded me how terrified I am of losing another important man in my life.

Alongside that fear came grief for all the moments my dad won’t physically be here to experience with me. Walking down the aisle. The father-daughter dance. Sharing stories and advice as I prepare for marriage.

These are milestones I won’t get to experience with him in the way I once imagined.

Yet as I sat with these feelings, I realized my dad was still teaching me something.

Opening my heart to love means opening my heart to grief.

There is no love without grief.

The depth of our grief reflects the depth of our love.

We cannot have one without the possibility of the other.

When I think about what it would be like to lose my future husband, my body remembers the terror I felt when I lost my dad. It is a feeling that is all too familiar. There is a part of me that still wants to protect itself by creating distance—to not get too close, to not love too deeply, to somehow avoid being hurt again.

But closing my heart does not protect me from grief.

There is grief in withholding love, too.

There is grief in not allowing ourselves to be nourished, cared for, and deeply connected to the people who matter most.

What my dad continues to remind me is that grief is not separate from life. It is part of loving. It is part of being human.

Of course we are afraid of losing the people we love.

That fear is a reflection of how much they matter.

And grief is proof that we had the courage to love, even knowing that nothing in this life lasts forever.

As I step into marriage, I know that one day my husband will die—or I will. That reality still scares me. Yet I am grateful for the awareness that grief has given me because it allows me to love more fully today.

I can acknowledge my fear and I can still choose love.

As Father’s Day approaches and wedding plans continue, I find myself thinking about ways to honor my grief while staying connected to my dad.

Holidays and milestone moments often come with an unspoken expectation that we should feel only happiness. Yet grief doesn’t disappear simply because the occasion is joyful.

If my dad has taught me anything, it’s that there is room for both.

Joy and sorrow.

Love and grief.

Celebration and remembrance.

They can all exist together.

If you are approaching Father’s Day with grief—whether your dad has died, your relationship is complicated, or there is distance or estrangement between you—I invite you to consider how you might make space for both love and grief.

When I feel that familiar fear of loss, it helps me to find the threads of connection that remind me my relationship with my dad did not end when he died. His influence, his lessons and the love we shared continue to shape my life.

Love does not erase grief.

And grief does not erase love.

They walk hand in hand.

I can honor my grief, acknowledge my fear and still keep my heart open to the love I feel for my dad.

It all gets to exist together.

If Father’s Day, wedding planning, or another life milestone is bringing grief to the surface, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our Certified Grief Coaches can help you create meaningful ways to honor your grief, stay connected to the people you miss, and build a personalized toolbox of support as you continue learning how to carry both love and loss forward.