As a grief coach, I have had the honor of walking beside mothers and fathers whose worlds were forever changed by the loss of their child. I have witnessed their courage, their despair, their longing and their resilience. And as the daughter of parents who experienced the death of their infant child, it is deeply personal. In fact, I chose to share my experiences into my book How Do I Survive? 7 Steps After Living with Child Loss and that is where the B.R.E.A.T.H.E. Coaching Model for Grief was born.
What Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Really Means
For many, October’s pink and blue ribbons are invisible. The world keeps moving forward, yet for bereaved parents, time often feels frozen in that moment of loss.
October is not about statistics or dates – it’s about recognition. It’s about letting grieving parents know that their children’s lives mattered, that their grief is real and not forgotten.
When you acknowledge a parent’s grief, you are giving them something precious: permission to love their child openly, even in death.
How You Can Support a Bereaved Parent
So many people want to help, but fear saying or doing the wrong thing. The truth? Silence hurts more than stumbling words ever could. Here are three simple practices you can do to show up in compassion:
Say Their Child’s Name
One of the greatest fears of grieving parents is that their child will be forgotten. Speak their name. For pregnancy loss, it is okay to ask if they have given their child a name. One time I was visiting with a friend’s elderly mother who was sharing her experience of having her youngest child stillborn. I asked this woman if she had named her daughter and for the first time ever, she shared her baby’s name. She wasn’t upset that I had asked – she was moved that I cared.
Offer Presence, Not Platitudes
Instead of “everything happens for a reason” or “time heals all wounds,” offer your presence. Sit in silence. Send a text that says, “I’m thinking of you today.” Presence heals whereas platitudes can hurt.
Do Something Tangible
Grief can be paralyzing. A simple meal, mowing the lawn, running errands or leaving flowers at the door says, “I see you. I care about you. You are not forgotten.”
I believe so strongly in supporting bereaved parents because my parents didn’t have that support. It is that passion that drives me to train others in becoming confident grief coaches.